My Attempt to Adult after IFB Cult Life

CoJo-JoJo

My IFB escape at age 42 and the Rollercoaster of Finding Me

Lookout world … this is a lady on a mission! IFB survivor. Human Rights Advocate. Fierce Momma Bear. Sweet … like candy.

  • Non-Fundie Kiddos

    CoJo-JoJo

    Proud Momma Bear Moment

    Working through trauma means a lot of ups and downs. It doesn’t mean everything is bad all the time, it doesn’t mean that everything is good all the time. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are unhappy in this moment, however learning about emotions and where they belong can be a daunting task. I do not pretend to know what I am doing, but I am happy to share the successes, the failures, the setbacks, the steps forward and everything in between.

    9 years ago today, I became a MiMi. Grandbaby 1 definitely wanted to make a dramatic entry into the world and so they did. Kiddo 2 was rushed into the OR for an emergency c-section. Baby decided to make their entrance at 33 weeks. Kiddo 2 has type 1 diabetes. They were diagnosed at age 9 and has had numerous health issues related to diabetes as well as some other things. The trauma and pain they experienced immediately was heartbreaking. Even more difficult was that kiddo 2 didn’t even get to see grandbaby 1 (outside of pics) until day 2 or 3.

    I would visit the NICU every evening to feed grandbaby 1 their last bottle of the day and would rock in the chair and sing to them. After 5 long weeks, grandbaby 1 was ready to come home. My sweet kiddo struggled with severe postpartum depression. Our immediate family jumped in and we all pitched in to help during this time. Thankfully, kiddo 2 was able to get help and was soon on their way to new motherhood.

    I am so very proud of kiddo 2 and their partner for the adults parents they have become. They have truly broken the cycle of religious, physical, and S.A. that was a part of my life. They are raising children in a loving, caring, accepting environment. My grandbabies are growing up with self-esteem, self-assurance, freedom to be who they are without judgment. They are so loved and I couldn’t be prouder of my kiddos.

    Happy birthday sweet grandbaby 1. I can’t wait to go to the LegoCon with you.

    I will be spending the next few blogs bragging about my kiddos. Without them, I would not be the person I am becoming. They are my heroes and I would like to share some stories about each of them.

    Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this. Advocacy, awareness, and education about evangelical, fundamental, religious cults that are still active are so important. There are children who are suffering all types of abuse right at this moment. Please consider sharing my journey through this blog to help me advocate for those without voices. Help me raise awareness of these heinous crimes. Share my personal deconstruction and the future I am hoping to build. Thank you.

  • Facing Hard Facts, Acknowledging Them, and Fixing What You Can

    CoJo-JoJo

    You may find this blog somewhat chaotic and in no particular timeline. I process through writing, so whatever is going on that day, will be my inspiration. I am also on the Autism Spectrum which means my brain works and perceives things differently. You are welcome to ask questions and when possible, I will post your questions with my personal answer.

    In the IFB Cult, pride is a sin. Anything you excel at is because of God and all the praise is his. You are just an empty vessel that God fills. This belief leaves no room for self esteem or individuality and often leads to indecision, fear of believing in yourself, fear that God will take away a talent that you enjoy and excel at. For myself, this belief limited me and the talents I loved.

    I love to learn. I love to work on projects that I enjoy. I love helping others. I did my very best to not take any pride in these things. I knew I was smart and I did my best to be happy but not prideful. I graduated from a Christian School with straight A’s. I graduated from a Christian College with a double major with straight A’s. I taught in a private school focusing on children with different learning abilities.

    I had a fellow teacher encourage me to take a real IQ test and I scored a 172. This was hard not to be proud of. I did my best not to, but it was always there in the back of my mind.

    I started my deconstruction at the age of 44, after 39 years of being in the IFB cult. The first few years were not pretty at all and I will share these stories later. I recently turned 50 and I thought it would be awesome to go back to college and study something I love to do. This is where I got hit with some hard, cold facts that left me in tears. My high school diploma and my college degree is not considered valid. After a few months of devastation, I enrolled in my local GED classes and will be earning my GED in about 2 months. I felt ashamed and embarrassed. I felt angry and robbed. The what ifs and the whys overwhelmed me and I had to choose between drowning in what wasn’t and use that to drive me to find out what could be.

    If this resonates with you, please share your experience in the comments.

    Remember, every day is a brand new day. A day where everyone has a chance to be kind, loving, caring, and accepting. If nothing else, we can be the ones to show the world how to make the biggest comeback of your life.

  • Welcome

    CoJo-JoJo

    Welcome to my messy, personal life blog. My goal is to raise awareness about cults and to show the long lasting effects it can leave on survivors. I hope to inspire, educate, offer hope, and show the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beauty of learning and living while deconstructing and rebuilding your life. I also hope that friends, families, life partners and others that are not familiar with the IFB Cult, to better understand the cult, how members are taught and live, and bring context into an area that is often hard to describe and/or understand. This journey is not easy and survivors can feel very isolated and alone (even when surrounded by others) in their lives. I welcome those who find themselves in the beginning, middle, and final stages of their journey to share their stories as well. I am open and I do not gloss over any of my experiences, past or present. I believe that raw honesty is needed for survivors and those interested in helping survivors. I will do my best to add content warnings at the beginning of each blog and will use abbreviations and alternate wording for triggering events.

    In addition to this blog, I will be starting a Youtube and TikTok in the next few months and will keep you up to date on that progress. Sign up for notifications of new posts. I look forward to “meeting” you soon.